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( Life's full of questions, isn't it, Batman? Though, naturally, I prefer to think of them as riddles. )

Edward Nigma | The Riddler

DC Comics | Mayfield

Batman #699 - Riddle Me This, Part Two: A Means to an End

Arrival Date: August 10th, 195X
Deaths: Four
Dronings: Three

Occupation: Ethics Teacher | Professional Criminal
Address: 726 Anderson Lane
Family:

Not!Wife: Susan Sto Helit
Not!Child: Shonen Bat / Lil’ Slugger
Not!Child: Luke Triton

Permissions:

Thread-Jacking: With permission!
Backthreading: Yes!
4th Wall Breaking: He’s already well aware that there’s a Batman comic, but please avoid spoilers for anything past Batman #700 as well as the DCnU.
Injury/Death: Absolutely, but please make sure to discuss the specifics with me first.
Romance/Relationships: Edward’s currently in a relationship with one Ema Skye.
Sexual Relations: See above.
Physical Contact: Go ahead, although he may not take well to it if he doesn’t know you well.
Mind Reading: Please discuss with me, first.

Regains:

☆ Wardrobe of green dress suits and bowler caps
☆ Green trenchcoat and spandex uniform with domino mask
☆ Question-Mark Trick Cane
☆ Question-Mark Sword Cane
☆ Arkham Asylum Prison Uniform
☆ The Riddler-Mobile
☆ Catwoman’s costume (circa When in Rome) + 12” leather bullwhip
☆ Electric Light-Up suit
☆ The set of The Riddle Factory
☆ The Enigma Machine
☆ An assortment of Riddler Trophies
☆ Brian T. Zer's Puzzles, Riddles, and Games for Every Occasion
☆ Digital voice recorder
☆ One pair of hidden daggers with question-mark handles
☆ The door to his office, marked "Edward Nigma, Private Investigator"

Abilities:

Though the Riddler does not possess any superhuman abilities, he is nonetheless gifted with an incredible intellect. He uses his intelligence, along with his deductive reasoning skills, to solve mysteries quickly and efficiently. A former criminal himself, he is a more-than-capable criminal strategist, readily able to find all the evidence he needs just from investigating a crime scene.

At the height of his criminal career, he was known to make frequent use of technology to help further his goals, ensnaring his foes in elaborate and complex contraptions and deathtraps. Finally, the Riddler is a skilled escape artist. A longtime fan of the late, great Harold Houdini, Edward has spent years honing the ability to escape almost every situation.

Personality:

"This is hardly a surprise. I always knew I was better than you."

Question. What makes Edward Nigma the Riddler? A great many things. As the charismatic Riddler, Edward seeks universal acclaim, recognition for the brilliant genius he truly is. Why? As a youth, Edward was never given that acknowledgement from his father, who constantly beat him out of jealousy and declared him a no-good cheat. This left Edward with a strong desire to rise up and prove himself a genius. At one point in school, he even does stoop down to cheating in order to declare himself intellectually superior. As he grew to become a criminal mastermind, the Riddler would taunt his opponents by leaving various clues and riddles at the scene of the crime, challenging them to figure out the next piece of Edward’s brilliant scheme.

Edward is an incredible narcissist who hates being considered a fool. Combining his rampant narcissism with his compulsive obsession with riddles, the Riddler is a pretty considerable threat to any enemy. However, his self-centered attitude can also lead to his undoing. In Hush, the Riddler reveals to his archrival, Batman, that he’s found the answer to the ultimate riddle: “Who is Batman?” Before he can threaten to expose the Dark Knight’s secret identity, Batman declares that if the answer is ever revealed, then it will just become worthless. His pride too great to allow a revelation of that magnitude to be considered worthless, the Riddler held his tongue and never revealed the Batman’s identity.

Edward is an incredibly cerebral personality. Far more reliant on brains than brawn, one of Edward’s main weaknesses is his lack of real physical ability. Unlike many of the other criminals in Gotham, who could at least hold their own in a fight, Edward is hardly a skilled fighter. He commonly relies on the assistance of allies and usually has an escape plan or two hidden up his sleeve. He likes to stay several steps ahead of his enemies, and is always looking to bewilder them and leave them in the dust.

Following a pretty severe accident, Edward was seemingly cured of his obsession with riddles, though he still enjoys them to an extent. Nonetheless, he can still be a pretty compulsive individual. In conversation, Edward can be pretty blunt and brutally honest. He’ll jump to make rash decisions that could very well land him and his allies in trouble. No longer a criminal mastermind, the Riddler now acts as a private investigator. He’s proven himself capable to his new allies, the Gotham City Police Department and Batman, and trustworthy to a degree, although his often eccentric behavior often encourages those around him to keep a closer eye on him.

Mayfield History:

» This is where we list it
» All the silly events
» we think are important to remember

Mun Information.:

Name: Steve
AIM: darkspineshadow
Time-Zone: EST
E-Mail: darkspineshadow@gmail.com
Personal LJ: darkspineshadow
Plurk: Abnormacus

Special Thanks to inheritedtales for the HTML!

Got any comments, criticisms, etc. on how I play this character? Comment on it here and I'll respond to it!

"Edward Nigma speaking. Riddle me this: What is it that demands an answer, yet never asks a question? Answer: A telephone, of course. Unfortunately for you, I've no further answer to give, as I'm currently occupied. Leave a message and, if you're lucky, I may do you the honor of returning your call. Ta-ta!"

( [A - ACTION - 726 Anderson Lane] )

( [B - ACTION - Around Town] )

( [C - ACTION - Atomic Cinemas] )

((OOC: The green font in these exchanges represents the Riddler, while the blue font represents Luke! Tagging order will be YOU => LUKE => EDWARD))]

[A - ACTION - Hospital.

On an ordinary day, during an ordinary visit to the hospital (perhaps to see Ema), the Riddler winds up running into another familiar face. But there's something quite different about him today. He's got that cheery look in his eyes, a dopey smile that's been plastered onto his face. But unlike his ordinary childish facade, the look on Bruce Wayne's face is eerily... vacant. Empty.

Question: What happens when you discover that the man who's outwitted you, outmatched you, and beaten you to an absolute pulp more times than you can count has been turned into nothing more than a brainless automaton with no mind or free will to call his own?

Answer: Grin like a madman and gloat when nobody else is around.]

So you've failed at last. Disappointing, but not entirely unexpected. After all, who can truly hold a candle to my genius? Not you, Dark Knight. [He laughs.]

If only you could see yourself now. The World's Greatest Detective? Hardly.

Question:

"What is greater than God? More evil than the Devil himself?
The rich need it, the poor have it, and if you eat it you'll die?"

Answer: Nothing. You're nothing now. You've lost. And I, Edward Nigma, have finally---

[Won? ...no. No, he hasn't. Mayfield did this to him. Mayfield took the Batman and broke him down into nothing. Not the Riddler. This... isn't his victory. This was never a victory at all. And as soon as he realizes that, Edward's wide smirk fades into a venomous glare. Shoving the husk he once called his archnemesis out of his way, he moves to depart the hospital and put as much distance between himself and that... thing as he possibly can.]

[B - PHONE - Unfiltered. The winning edge is completely gone from his voice now. He sounds strangely empty.]

Riddle me this. What is the one thing we have all seen and will never see again?

[C - ACTION - 726 Anderson Lane / The Hall of Doom.

Whether he's sitting in the kitchen tinkering around with a strange contraption he's received in the mail or in the empty conference room of the Hall of Doom, the Riddler is uncharacteristically quiet this evening. Bother him?]

[A. ACTION – MORNING, AROUND TOWN

There’s something a little bit off about the Riddler today. Maybe it’s the way he carries himself, the cheery smile on his face, or the look in his eyes. But there’s something downright ominous about him. Surely, the townsfolk in Mayfield are sure to notice this firsthand when he approaches them one by one, asking each of them a simple question.]

Care to play a game?

[B. ACTION – EARLY AFTERNOON, THE HALL OF DOOM (BENEATH 726 ANDERSON LANE)

So much for rigging the Hall of Doom to be completely impenetrable. A green pod hangs from the ceiling of the Hall, like some sort of disgusting alien cocoon.]

[C. ACTION – AFTERNOON, SHORTLY AFTER HIS RESCUE, AROUND TOWN

Thanks to Slugger’s swift aid, the real Edward Nigma is free from his pod and investigating this nonsense. And wouldn’t you know it? As he scours the town for clues, he’s got plenty of questions. Who all has been abducted by these dubious doppelgangers? Is there a way to stop them? What the hell are those things in the sky?

…and for that matter, where is Ema Skye?]

[[OOC: Responses from Pod!Edward will be coming from

trickquestioner. Additionally, responses will be coming later this evening. Thanks for your patience, guys.]]

[Well, it's that time of year once again, isn't it? School's back in session. Oh, joy. Throughout the day, there's a good chance you'll bump into the Riddler in a few locations...

A. ACTION - Mayfield High School, Ethics Classroom, Morning

The words "Mr. Nigma" are written up on the blackboard. Yep. You heard that right. Edward Nigma, Ethics Teacher. When his first class has seated themselves, he'll rise up out of his chair and begin to address them:]

Life's just full of questions, isn't it? And in a place like Mayfield especially, you're going to have to ask yourself plenty of difficult questions.

[He approaches the blackboard, writing up a series of questions, reciting them aloud as he writes:

"Have you ever had to make a difficult decision?"
"Were you satisfied with the outcome, or do you still have regrets?"

He turns to his class, looking at them expectantly.]

Well?

[B. ACTION - Mayfield High School, Teacher's Lounge, Afternoon

He'll be sitting here in between classes, smoking a cigarette and working on a crossword from time to time.

C. PHONE - Filtered to Batman, Shortly After School]

Well, well, Dark Knight. It seems we're long overdue for a little chat, aren't we?

[D. PHONE - Filtered to Ema Skye, Late Afternoon]

Question: What are you up to this evening?

[Hey Mayfield. Guess who's been a busy little drone this evening? Well, now that he's gone and killed his first victim, the Riddler's going to be headed on home. But first?

A. ACTION - The Gas Station / Diner - Evening

The Riddler's at the gas station, whistling to himself and filling up the Riddler-Mobile. Which you've probably noticed is a little bit dented. And is missing a windshield. And appears to have something just barely jutting out of the trunk. It's small. Black. Almost looks like a piece of a certain someone's... cape. Not that any of this bothers the Riddler in the slightest.

B. ACTION - 726 Anderson Lane - Soon After

Now that his car's all filled up and everything's all hunky-dory, Edward Nigma's gonna head on home, parking his car in the garage. He doesn't bother taking the corpse out of the trunk, simply leaving it locked inside. Never mind the fact that his ordinarily stainless green suit is still covered in blood. His familiar cane, bent and bloodied, is in his hand.

When he enters the house, there's a big, cheery grin on his face.]

Daddy's home! [Laughing jovially, he'll mosey on over to the kitchen.] How's my happy, healthy family this evening?

[A: ACTION. The Kitchen of 726 Anderson Lane.

Well, that was probably the worst way to come off of a droning ever. Those of you who are still awake, you'll probably hear the Riddler rummaging about in the refrigerator. He finally emerges from it with a small bag of frozen peas, which he'll be placing over that black eye of his.]

[B: ACTION. Edward's personal study at 726 Anderson Lane.

Looks like Edward's gotten a package while he was out of it. Peeking into the box, he can see a bit of leather... It's a familiar violet catsuit, complete with a long tail, a mask with whiskers and ears, and a 12-foot long whip. No. No, there's no way they would seriously send this to him. Is this Mayfield's idea of a joke?]

[C: PHONE. (Filtered from Drones)]

Here's a question for you, Mayfield.

"What flies without wings?"

Answer: Time. Strange how it doesn't seem to fly at all when you've been droned. One second, it's the middle of July, then before you even realize it, it's August. What all have I missed, hmm? Any theories on what they'll throw at us this month?

[D. Then, he'll filter the call yet again, to Harley, Ivy, and Crane.]

Question: Is it uncommon for someone to regain something that doesn't belong to them?

[E: ACTION. Legion of Doom Headquarters.

Well, he's not going to try on Selina's catsuit ~~yet~~, but that doesn't mean he can't have a little fun anyway. Eddie's hand curls around the grip of Catwoman's braided, leather bullwhip. Having set up a few cans around the long conference table, he'll crack the whip at them several times to see how many he'll be able to knock down.]

[A - ACTION: The Kitchen of 726 Anderson Lane.

Eddie's in the middle of preparing a nice, hearty breakfast for his family. Question: How best to spend this Fourth of July? Take his beautiful wife and kids out for a picnic in John Doe Park? Maybe see if Jonathan and his family want to come along? Honestly? It's days like this that it feels pretty damn good to be Edward Nashton.

Wait. That... isn't right. It's Nigma. Edward Nigma. He'd taken that name to get as far away from that miserable childhood as possible. ...hadn't he? No, all Eddie can think about now is a childhood here in Mayfield. His old man teaching him how to ride a bike. Playing catch with him in the backyard while Mrs. Nashton made her world-famous lemonade. The day he'd come racing home to tell his father he'd won a contest at school. And his father had been proud of him...

No. Stop it, Edward. You'd cheated that day, remember? Your father was never proud of you. That's why you strove to prove yourself better than everyone else, because you are better than everyone else. You're a genius. Cleverer than Crane. More intelligent than Lex Luthor. You've got bigger brains than Batman.

...and it's here that Edward Nashton---Nigma, dammit---comes to a haunting conclusion. There never was a Batman here in Mayfield, was there? There was never a reason for one. There was never a reason for the Riddler, either. All of a sudden, Eddie's feeling much less enthused about today.]

[B - PHONE: Shortly after breakfast.]

"Bury deep,
Pile on stones,
Yet I will
Dig up the bones."

Memories. Something... something isn't right. I'm starting to remember things that didn't happen. Things that should never have happened.

[Or should they have? What's wrong with the life Edward's leading here in Mayfield? For once in his pathetic life, he has the chance to be happy. Yet again, the Riddler is beginning to question himself.]

None of this is real. ...is it?

[C - ACTION: That afternoon, various places around town.

The Riddler needs to clear his head. Perhaps some of that fresh Mayfield air will do him some good. Those who bump into him may hear him reciting a little riddle to himself. Something to keep him anchored in all of this confusion.]

"Up a hill,
Down a hill,
Over them I may roam,
But after all my walking,
There's no place like my own."

[This neighborhood, these streets, this perfect little slice of American suburbia. This place is a far cry from Gotham. This place isn't truly home.

...right?]

{First, a public phone call, filtered from drones.]

Hello again, Mayfield. I've been noticing plenty of new faces around town as of late. Plenty of people with plenty of questions.

Every question has an answer, friends---I can guarantee you that. And I, Edward Nigma, can help you find all of these answers. And more. Now, I'm sure I can already predict the next question that's on your minds right now. "What's the catch?" Answer: I I'll be needing your help with a little summer project of mine. Here's your first clue as to what it might be.

“I cannot be seen and I weigh nothing,
But when put into a barrel, I make it lighter.”

What am I?

[It's just after finishing up with this little phone call that he gets his first good look at the calendar. Father's Day. Not exactly Edward's favorite day by any means, given his own relationship with his old man. Needless to say, his mood's been a little bit soured.

Throughout the rest of this lovely day, you're likely to run into the Riddler...

A: In the Backyard of 726 Anderson, sketching something out into a notebook.

B: Out for a drive in the Riddler-Mobile, to try and relax.

C: At Jonathan's Tools, loading up plenty of tools and building supplies into the back of his car.

Wherever he goes, he'll likely be sulking. Cheer him up? Help him out? He's all yours, ladies.]

[A – 726 Anderson Lane - Family / Neighbors / Stalkers

Edward’s back from Port West. Not that he feels any more comforted by this abrupt return back home. Sure, he isn’t trapped in the basement any longer, but he’s not exactly ready to come to terms with what he’s done. And what he tried to do.

So, of course, Eddie’s got to head out. Try and leave before Susan and Slugger wake up and try to find him. With any luck, they might still think he’s stuck in Port West if he can sneak out of the house quietly enough. But… agh, dammit, he makes his way into the kitchen first, scrawling out a little note for the both of them to find when they wake up.

“What has branches and leaves but no bark?”

Stupid, idiotic compulsion. Forcing him to leave clues as to where he’s going even when he doesn’t want to be found. Especially when he doesn’t want to be found. He heads out the door, down to the driveway and stops. Right in his tracks. Mayfield's given him a nice little surprise.

His old car, the Riddler-Mobile.

He'll take a few moments to marvel at this fine, fine vehicle of his. It isn't quite as beefed up as the Riddler-Mobile he'd received this past Christmas, but it's still as reliable a supercar as any.

Question. Where’s Edward Nigma going? Well, assuming his fake family hasn’t already caught him bolting out the door, he’s going to be in…

B – The Mayfield Public Library - Open

Yep. The library. It’s here that the Riddler’s sifting through the comic book sections, picking up various old issues of various old publications. Feel free to distract him. Once he’s finished, though, he heads to the front desk with comics in hand and addresses the librarian.

C - The Diner - Open

Later on that afternoon, Edward's grabbing himself some lunch. He sips at some coffee, working on yet another crossword. Occasionally, he'll tap his pen against the table, quirking his brow in thought before jotting something down in a notebook.

D - Drive-In - Night

Anyone hanging around the drive-in, you'll spot a grown man sleeping in the backseat of the most hideously green car you've ever laid eyes on. The movie hasn't even started yet and likely won't start for another half-hour or so. This guy just really doesn't want to go home.]

[A - Action: 726 Anderson Lane - Morning

Edward Nigma isn't having such a hot morning. After searching his room in frustration for any trace of his familiar emerald suits or his trademark canes, he heads into his study, tearing into a letter he received in the mail this morning. His eyes narrow as he scans through the letter. He's being asked to kill. Judging from the almost formulaic structure of the letter, he assumes that the rest of the town has received identical letters, if not a good deal of the population. He isn't the only one being asked to play this little game.

There's no question that Edward's greatest desire is to be recognized and accepted for the true genius that he is. But can the town actually promise him that? There has to be a catch. There's always a catch. Flipping through the rest of the documents he's been given, he pauses when he comes across a small photograph. He's in it. Prominent in the foreground, really, sitting on a park bench. In the somewhat blurred background of the photograph, a young brunette in a labcoat plants a soft kiss on his cheek. Eddie shoots to his feet and stares down at the photo, his stomach churning incredibly uncomfortably. He's horrified, appalled, enraged that this town would dare to...

There's a beat as he attempts to maintain his cool. He flips the photo upside down so that he doesn't have to keep looking at it, reading through the rules and regulations of this little game. This town's promising him acceptance? Fine. He'll do it. He'll play their little game.]

[B - Action: Mayfield High School.

Dressed in an uncharacteristic black, wearing a matching trilby atop his head, Eddie sits behind the desk of his Ethics classroom.]

I trust a good deal of you received something interesting in the mail this morning? Well, then. By a show of hands, how many of you intend to take part in this little game that the town's set up for us?

[This question's not just for the sake of class discussion, it's for the sake of evaluating who could be a potential threat. Any one of them could be targeting him, after all.]

[C - Action: After School, On the Way Back to 726 Anderson.

The Riddler ducks into a phonebooth, taking another good look at the name he's been assigned.

"el Reino de España (Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo)"

"The Kingdom of Spain?!" ...one of those countries, then. The question is, how the hell is he supposed to find this target? It's not as though he can simply find him on a map. Not for this. Edward puts the paper away, heading out of the phonebooth and making his way back home. The gun in his breast pocket hardly weighs him down. He'll find his target. And he'll make it to the next round. And he'll win the respect and admiration of this whole damn town.

If there's one thing that Edward Nigma knows, it's how to play a game. And how to play it well.]

((OOC: Tags may come a bit slow today and tomorrow. Still adjusting to life on the West Coast. Thanks for understanding!))

[A: 726 Anderson Lane - BACKDATED TO THE DAY AFTER PROM.

Riddle me this: Who's as green as his suit and just woke up with the worst hangover ever? Answer: Edward Nigma, of course. Family members ~~and unexpected visitors~~ will find the Riddler downstairs at the breakfast table, dressed in a green bathrobe, half-heartedly fumbling with his daily crossword while he picks at a plate of eggs. He looks incredibly groggy, tired, and somewhat foul-tempered.]

[B: Mayfield High School - TODAY. It appears as though your favorite Ethics teacher is looking a little bit better after a long weekend and some time to recover. On the chalkboard, there appears to be a hastily drawn picture of a man with a long face and a garish smile.]

A dangerous criminal has been apprehended. Caught red-handed. He's responsible for the deaths of countless innocents. Question: How do you proceed? Do you take an eye for an eye and serve him a death penalty? It only makes sense, doesn't it? Especially if you consider the possibility that he may escape from his prison. And it's true. He could certainly escape and kill again. And again.

For the safety of these innocents, and for the good of the people, it may be worthwhile to consider a utilitarian approach. That is to say, you would subscribe to a system of ethics in which you would seek to increase the safety, happiness, and well-being of all mankind to maximum levels. But...

[He draws up another picture on the chalkboard of a cloaked figure, shrouded in a long, flowing cape.]

...there are those who might disagree with you. Those self-righteous radicals who feel as though they should follow the rules. Whose rules, exactly? Their rules. Their morals are absolute. They simply can't be compromised. Even if executing a murderer and a madman will maximize our well-being, murder is still murder to them. Nothing changes that. This is a deontological approach, class. And the ends never justify the means to them.

...so riddle me this. What would you do, if you had a say in this criminal's fate?

[Around Town:

There's a good chance that, after school, you'll find the Riddler on an investigation. He'll be found in one of three locations---

C: Sniffing around the Zemekis Corps Office Building, trying to get a grasp on what exactly it is that people do here.

D: In the Downtown area, glancing into windows and occasionally taking notes on a small notepad.

E: At the Mayfield Hospital, to answer some questions. A hospital in Mayfield seems rather arbitrary, doesn't it? Especially considering that death isn't even permanent. Why would one even be here, then, if that's the case?]

( Too many questions... )

[No. This is it. This is the only way. After several long moments of scheming and last-minute organization, Edward calls out of the study, his voice somewhat shaky.]

...Slugger? C-could you come upstairs, please?

[One cozy little morning at 726 Anderson Lane, housemates will find the Riddler at the breakfast table, placing letters into envelopes and sealing them as he tends to this morning's daily crossword.]

[If you're a member of the Legion of Doom, chances are you'll find a letter in your mailbox addressed to you. Written under your address, scrawled out in red ink, are the words: "HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL." Should you bring it in and open it, you'll find an interesting little letter of sorts.

Riddle me this. How does one defeat a telepath? That, friends, is our next little homework assignment. Why? Well---that's not the important question here, now is it?

If any of you have any useful suggestions---and I mean useful suggestions---submit them to me in writing, or come see me in person. I don't trust the phone lines. Not for this. You know where to find me.

~Edward Nigma

[Once his letters have been sent out, he picks up the phone, steels his resolve, and puts out a filtered call to Ema Skye. His voice is firm, professional, and steady, for the most part.]

Ms. Skye. I'd like to speak to you in person.

[A: Action - Mayfield High School

Well, class, have you been enjoying your sessions with your droned Ethics teacher, Mr. Nigma? Because it looks as though he's in the middle of yet another of his cheerful drone-y lectures.]

You see, kids? Life sure is grand here in Mayfield. Even if you're down or discouraged about schoolwork, or girls, or bullies---at the end of the day, you just have to remember the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have others do unto...

[But he trails off. Blinks. His eyes no longer appear glazed over. He takes in his surroundings, as though waking up from a long, unpleasant dream. The cheery grin on his face fades into a sour scowl. It looks like Edward Nigma is back to normal.]

...what on earth was I just saying?

[B: Later on that day, Edward makes his way back home, sending out a public phone call, filtered from drones.]

Well. Apologies for taking the idea of "getting droned" lightly. It certainly isn't pleasant. Two full weeks---gone, just like that. Two weeks that could be better spent trying to determine a means of escape. But I don't intend to dally any longer with idle distraction. And I, Edward Nigma, don't intend to let this town continue to have its way. Not anymore. We need to take initiative. We need to strike back. Now.

Regrettably, with all the chaos and my little... "sabbatical," I was unable to hold a second meeting as I had originally planned. I trust you were all able to keep yourselves busy in my absence?

[C: Filtered to Poison Ivy]

Pamela? Are you there?

[D: Action - 726 Anderson Lane

Edward's back in his typical colors, pacing around the study in an almost manic state of mind. Do you approach?]

[E: Action - Olney's Tavern

In an incredibly morose turn of events, Edward has found his way over to Olney's Tavern late that night. With all the crap that's happened to him in the past couple of weeks---rejection at the hands of Ema Skye, his droning at the hands of the town, and the fact that this little April Fools' prank has cost him dearly---he could use a drink. Against his better nature, he heads to the counter and raps on it impatiently, flagging down the bartender.]

Malt whiskey. Leave the bottle.

[Standard Drone Filter in Play]

A question for all of you, Mayfield---and yes, it's most certainly a topical one.

A driver comes to a fork in the road and doesn't know which way to go to reach his destination. There are two men at the fork, one of whom always tells the truth while the other always lies. The driver doesn't know which is which, though. He may ask one of the men only one question to find his way. Which man does he ask, and what is the question?

There are questions you should be asking yourselves, as well, you know. Where did this highway come from, all of a sudden? Where does it truly lead to? And why would our dear friend Officer Grady be so insistent that we stay off the roads? Could this be a way out of Mayfield?

[He chuckles, self-assuredly.]

I'll admit, these questions certainly are fascinating. And I'm sure the answers will be found. Besides---at a fork in the road, who would you be more willing to get answers from? A man who only tells lies? Or a man who always tells the truth?

Someone like Officer Grady? Or someone like Edward Nigma?

I intend to hold a little gathering of the minds this Sunday to try and get to the bottom of all this. The choice to attend is yours, of course. Still---if you'd like to be educated, you know where to find me. Though, again, to those of you who joined me last month, you'd be interested to know that I don't intend to hold another meeting in the same place twice. I have far too much class, after all.

[Well, Edward's back from Westport, and he's definitely a little worse for the wear. This hasn't exactly been a very fun couple of days for him. As soon as he gets home, he shrugs off his coat, hangs his hat and his cane on the rack, and makes his way to the phone.]

[Public Call, standard filters in play]

This is Edward Nigma. I'm... back from Westport. I haven't heard too many things about what happened here in my absence, but I can't imagine it was very pleasant. Those of you in my Ethics class will no doubt be relieved to hear that I'm canceling tomorrow's class. Perhaps I might cancel a few classes next week as well, if I'm not fully recovered by then.

Your assignment for this weekend is to write a page or so on... Hmm. "What do you feel is the worst decision you've ever made?" ...that'll work. You can just leave them on my desk at school, if you wish; I'll collect them and grade them over the weekend.

[Private Call, filtered to the Legion of Doom]

I trust you're well, ladies and gentlemen?

...I'll be honest with you. This angel business has caused a major setback in our plans. If possible, I’d like to call another meeting to order at some point within the next two weeks. As an organization... we need to give ourselves more structure.

As for our meeting place? Well, I won’t hesitate to admit that my basement was not a Grade-A rendezvous point for our location. Still... I’d say I’m smart enough to have already found a much better spot. I’m a real class act, after all. Aren’t I?

[Action, for the Death House. Susan, Slugger, Terezi, or anyone else who may have crashed there during the angel takeover, feel free to run into Edward as he does his best to recuperate. He takes a shower and shaves his face, then comes downstairs in warm, clean clothes to make himself a massive lunch.]

A. [At Mayfield High, Edward is taking to his new job as Ethics teacher with very little enthusiasm. Any kids in his class? Your first assignment is being written on the board in a neat, tidy scrawl:

"How far would you be willing to go to escape this place?"]

Discuss.

B. [Later on that afternoon, Edward makes a public phone call, filtered away from drones, Grady, the Mayor, the Smiths, and the like.]

Mayfield, Mayfield, Mayfield. You know what I like to do every Sunday night when I'm not scheming a daring escape? I like to think up riddles. Like this one, for example: "What is the one question you can ask at any point in the day, and still get a different answer?" Give up? Hmm?

Answer: "What time is it?" See? Simple. I could say "7:26" just as easily as I can say the time is 9 o'clock PM. Or this one---actually, my old college roommate, Andrew, was instrumental in helping me think this one up.

"Brothers and sisters have I none, but that man's father is my father's son!" I'll let you figure out the answer to that one on your own.

Hmm. Perhaps this Sunday night, I'll think up another good riddle. Or perhaps I'll finally find a way for all of you to get out of here. Who knows? Maybe I already have. Interested? Well---you already know where to find me. I've practically given you all the answers, regardless.

[He chuckles obnoxiously.]

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Edward Nigma | The Riddler

September 2021

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Page Summary

RIDDLE ???: CASE LOG OF EDWARD NIGMA
How's My Driving?
IC CONTACT | mayfield_rpg
Riddle 037: Does anybody else feel like a fried egg? (backdated to 12/9, morning)
Riddle 036: What is it that nobody wants to have, yet nobody wants to lose?
Riddle 035: A Multiple Choice Question
Riddle 034: We don't need no education [Backdated to the First Day of School]
Riddle 032: Milked For All He's Worth
Riddle 031: Cats Always Land On Their Feet
Riddle 030: Half-Life (50% Droning)
Riddle 029: Where is the Father?
Riddle 028: What always comes too late? Answer - Regret (Backdated to the Day After Port West)
Riddle 027: All About the Game (And How You Play It)
Riddle 026: Raining on Prom Night
Riddle 025: Father-Son Bonding? (Violence Ensues)
Riddle 024: The Glove is Thrown
Riddle 023: When in Drone
Riddle 022: On the Open Road
Riddle 021: Angel Aftermath
Riddle 020: Calling All Crooks

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Style: Forestation for Practicality by timeasmymeasure

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Page generated Jun. 9th, 2025 10:37 pm

Riddles are your compulsion. Your addiction.

And a riddle that everyone knows the answer to is... "worthless."

Recent Entries

RIDDLE ???: CASE LOG OF EDWARD NIGMA

How's My Driving?

IC CONTACT | mayfield_rpg

Riddle 037: Does anybody else feel like a fried egg? (backdated to 12/9, morning)

Riddle 036: What is it that nobody wants to have, yet nobody wants to lose?

Riddle 035: A Multiple Choice Question

Riddle 034: We don't need no education [Backdated to the First Day of School]

Riddle 032: Milked For All He's Worth

Riddle 031: Cats Always Land On Their Feet

Riddle 030: Half-Life (50% Droning)

Riddle 029: Where is the Father?

Riddle 028: What always comes too late? Answer - Regret (Backdated to the Day After Port West)

Riddle 027: All About the Game (And How You Play It)

Riddle 026: Raining on Prom Night

Riddle 025: Father-Son Bonding? (Violence Ensues)

Riddle 024: The Glove is Thrown

Riddle 023: When in Drone

Riddle 022: On the Open Road

Riddle 021: Angel Aftermath

Riddle 020: Calling All Crooks