Riddles are your compulsion. Your addiction.

[It being several days after Eddie first landed here, he's getting more used to the phones.]

Hopefully I've filtered this properly.

Question: When isn't it a good idea to accept gifts from a post office in a strange town? Answer: When it costs you an arm and a leg.

...perhaps that was in bad taste. Let me start over.

Good evening, Mayfield. Although I doubt many of you are enjoying the weekend. Considering this little... exchange at the post office that I've been hearing about, anyway. Still, I suppose that's why it helps to trust your instincts and look before you leap. ...though I suppose my cane would've been nice.

Ahem. Anyway, I believe I'm starting to understand just what everyone means when they say that strange things happen here. Naturally, I intend to get to the bottom of this. They can't honestly expect to get away with this grotesque crime.

Should anyone require my assistance, then there's no question who you should call. For I, Edward Nigma, am on the case!

[Ed didn't touch the box tops for a few reasons: A) He didn't trust them, and B) He's pretty much flat broke anyway)]