Riddle 002: Case of the Cereal Killer [Filtered from Drones]

[questionauthority]

[It being several days after Eddie first landed here, he's getting more used to the phones.]

Hopefully I've filtered this properly.

Question: When isn't it a good idea to accept gifts from a post office in a strange town? Answer: When it costs you an arm and a leg.

...perhaps that was in bad taste. Let me start over.

Good evening, Mayfield. Although I doubt many of you are enjoying the weekend. Considering this little... exchange at the post office that I've been hearing about, anyway. Still, I suppose that's why it helps to trust your instincts and look before you leap. ...though I suppose my cane would've been nice.

Ahem. Anyway, I believe I'm starting to understand just what everyone means when they say that strange things happen here. Naturally, I intend to get to the bottom of this. They can't honestly expect to get away with this grotesque crime.

Should anyone require my assistance, then there's no question who you should call. For I, Edward Nigma, am on the case!

[Ed didn't touch the box tops for a few reasons: A) He didn't trust them, and B) He's pretty much flat broke anyway)]

Comments

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

[There's small, muffled snickers before the kid speaks.]

Honestly?

Thought that was a pretty good joke, mister.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

A little bit of levity in the face of crisis never hurt anyone, after all.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

People need to find the humor in situations.

[In this case, dismemberment.]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I know plenty of people back in my hometown who would agree wholeheartedly.

[Psychopathic clowns for the win.]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Hate to have a hometown filled with people like me, I'll admit.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

People like you?

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Jerks.

[And sociopaths, but hey, he's trying to work on that one. He's twelve. Give him time.]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Plenty of jerks in my hometown, too.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

That's the comparison I was making from what you just said, if you said you knew a bunch of other people who'd like that joke.

Good joke. But it's meant for jerks.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I certainly hope you aren't implying that I'm one of those jerks.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Don't know you well enough to say if you are or not.

Don't really care if you are, either. You amuse me, so that's pretty much enough.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I'll have you know I'm nobody's fool.

Regardless, there's more important things to bother with than an amusing joke. People are paying a pretty high price for those box tops.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

That's pretty subjective, mister.

Yeah. People get to pay the price for being idiots. Not really anything new.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

About as subjective as your opinion, then?

Idiots or no, we're all in the same boat, wouldn't you say? None of us want to be here.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't fight that. But I think my opinion? Probably better than a lot of peoples.

Hey, I'm agreeing with that. I'm begrudgingly going to work with others here 'cause I don't have much of a chance otherwise. But that doesn't mean I'm going to for people dumb enough to fall for this. That's their choice, and I already STATED it was a scam earlier.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Now that's pretty subjective.

Heh. I've come to terms with the fact that there's plenty of simpletons out there. Especially in my line of work. That's why they need a genius like me, though. To give them that tiny little shove forward towards passable human intelligence.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

[Usually that'd piss him off. But you know what mister? You're alright. So he'll laugh instead.]

I guess that's a good enough thing to do, though why would you waste your intelligence on them. Most of them ain't anything special.

[Though he's at least coming to terms with the fact that some are]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

A waste? Hardly. I'll admit that oftentimes the people I've assisted have proven less than trustworthy, and not entirely appreciative of my services. Still, oftentimes things like this can serve as stimulating mental exercise.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

...Huh.

I never look at it that way. I just always assumed I'd be helping suckers without getting anything out of it. But that makes sense, I guess.

So what is it you do that it seems like people could keep stabbing you in the back?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I'm a detective. A highly skilled one, at that. And in the kind of town I take up shop in, things can turn treacherous very quickly.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

How bad can the town be?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Gotham? Hardly the kind of place any kid can play around in.

The crime rate's been skyrocketing for years, and the police department is a bunch of incompetent fools. Even if criminals do get arrested, chances are they make it back on the street within a few months. Within a few days, even.

Not to mention the Batman.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Batman? What's he? Some kinda freak of nature?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

You could say that.

He's a costumed, self-righteous vigilante who thinks he's the World's Greatest Detective. Beats criminals to a bloody pulp and then throws them into Arkham Asylum.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

So your average person calling themselves a hero, huh?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Average? There's hardly anything average about a man like him. He's armed with a myriad of gadgets, he's well trained in the martial arts, and... strangely, he's almost always prepared for anything.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's not average. But the idea of beating up anyone just because they're labeled bad guys?

That's average for people who call themselves heroes.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I suppose.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

So you got a name mister, or should I just keep calling you mister?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Edward Nigma. And you are?

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Pokey Minch.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[O-ok that joke was bad but he can ignore it.]

…Where do you plan to start? Investigating, I mean. Finding clues in this town can be pretty difficult. I'll bet the post office is as impervious as city hall.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I have my ways. Already I've attained some intriguing insight from one of the post office's victims. I plan to ask more victims for further input and then, taking their testimonies into account, find a way into the post office.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

You could always go in and act like you're trying to get something with the boxtops, then try to question the postman... but I bet he'll just be just as evasive as Grady and the rest.

I didn't trade in any boxtops, so I'm afraid I can't give you any input there. I know better than to trust anything like that from this place.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Of course.

I was contemplating a plan like that, but I don't plan to go in there without all the information I can find on it first.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

Right, of course. Ah, well, I haven't talked to too many people as I've... mostly been helping the victims who had injuries today. Ah, but I have heard that not everyone had physical things too. Some lost memories. That almost seems worse, somehow...

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Memories? ...I can imagine.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I don't know if they get replaced with something or they're just... gone. I need a chance to talk to someone it happened to I guess. [Sigh.] I can't believe people really thought this would be worth the risk.

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

Edward Nigma? Honestly, there's no need for a pseudonym when no one knows who you are.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

What makes you think this is but a pseudonym?

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

. . .

E. Nigma? Enigma?

[withmorelove.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I'm not surprised that people took a risk like that. Although, getting to the bottom of things might be by definition impossible.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Impossible? Perhaps. But perhaps not.

[withmorelove.livejournal.com]

The situation seems to an absurd one. Making reason of it may be an act of madness.