Riddle 002: Case of the Cereal Killer [Filtered from Drones]

[questionauthority]

[It being several days after Eddie first landed here, he's getting more used to the phones.]

Hopefully I've filtered this properly.

Question: When isn't it a good idea to accept gifts from a post office in a strange town? Answer: When it costs you an arm and a leg.

...perhaps that was in bad taste. Let me start over.

Good evening, Mayfield. Although I doubt many of you are enjoying the weekend. Considering this little... exchange at the post office that I've been hearing about, anyway. Still, I suppose that's why it helps to trust your instincts and look before you leap. ...though I suppose my cane would've been nice.

Ahem. Anyway, I believe I'm starting to understand just what everyone means when they say that strange things happen here. Naturally, I intend to get to the bottom of this. They can't honestly expect to get away with this grotesque crime.

Should anyone require my assistance, then there's no question who you should call. For I, Edward Nigma, am on the case!

[Ed didn't touch the box tops for a few reasons: A) He didn't trust them, and B) He's pretty much flat broke anyway)]

Comments

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

About as subjective as your opinion, then?

Idiots or no, we're all in the same boat, wouldn't you say? None of us want to be here.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't fight that. But I think my opinion? Probably better than a lot of peoples.

Hey, I'm agreeing with that. I'm begrudgingly going to work with others here 'cause I don't have much of a chance otherwise. But that doesn't mean I'm going to for people dumb enough to fall for this. That's their choice, and I already STATED it was a scam earlier.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Now that's pretty subjective.

Heh. I've come to terms with the fact that there's plenty of simpletons out there. Especially in my line of work. That's why they need a genius like me, though. To give them that tiny little shove forward towards passable human intelligence.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

[Usually that'd piss him off. But you know what mister? You're alright. So he'll laugh instead.]

I guess that's a good enough thing to do, though why would you waste your intelligence on them. Most of them ain't anything special.

[Though he's at least coming to terms with the fact that some are]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

A waste? Hardly. I'll admit that oftentimes the people I've assisted have proven less than trustworthy, and not entirely appreciative of my services. Still, oftentimes things like this can serve as stimulating mental exercise.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

...Huh.

I never look at it that way. I just always assumed I'd be helping suckers without getting anything out of it. But that makes sense, I guess.

So what is it you do that it seems like people could keep stabbing you in the back?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I'm a detective. A highly skilled one, at that. And in the kind of town I take up shop in, things can turn treacherous very quickly.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

How bad can the town be?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Gotham? Hardly the kind of place any kid can play around in.

The crime rate's been skyrocketing for years, and the police department is a bunch of incompetent fools. Even if criminals do get arrested, chances are they make it back on the street within a few months. Within a few days, even.

Not to mention the Batman.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Batman? What's he? Some kinda freak of nature?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

You could say that.

He's a costumed, self-righteous vigilante who thinks he's the World's Greatest Detective. Beats criminals to a bloody pulp and then throws them into Arkham Asylum.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

So your average person calling themselves a hero, huh?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Average? There's hardly anything average about a man like him. He's armed with a myriad of gadgets, he's well trained in the martial arts, and... strangely, he's almost always prepared for anything.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's not average. But the idea of beating up anyone just because they're labeled bad guys?

That's average for people who call themselves heroes.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I suppose.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

So you got a name mister, or should I just keep calling you mister?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Edward Nigma. And you are?

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Pokey Minch.