Riddle 031: Cats Always Land On Their Feet

[questionauthority]

[A: ACTION. The Kitchen of 726 Anderson Lane.

Well, that was probably the worst way to come off of a droning ever. Those of you who are still awake, you'll probably hear the Riddler rummaging about in the refrigerator. He finally emerges from it with a small bag of frozen peas, which he'll be placing over that black eye of his.]

[B: ACTION. Edward's personal study at 726 Anderson Lane.

Looks like Edward's gotten a package while he was out of it. Peeking into the box, he can see a bit of leather... It's a familiar violet catsuit, complete with a long tail, a mask with whiskers and ears, and a 12-foot long whip. No. No, there's no way they would seriously send this to him. Is this Mayfield's idea of a joke?]

[C: PHONE. (Filtered from Drones)]

Here's a question for you, Mayfield.

"What flies without wings?"

Answer: Time. Strange how it doesn't seem to fly at all when you've been droned. One second, it's the middle of July, then before you even realize it, it's August. What all have I missed, hmm? Any theories on what they'll throw at us this month?

[D. Then, he'll filter the call yet again, to Harley, Ivy, and Crane.]

Question: Is it uncommon for someone to regain something that doesn't belong to them?

[E: ACTION. Legion of Doom Headquarters.

Well, he's not going to try on Selina's catsuit yet, but that doesn't mean he can't have a little fun anyway. Eddie's hand curls around the grip of Catwoman's braided, leather bullwhip. Having set up a few cans around the long conference table, he'll crack the whip at them several times to see how many he'll be able to knock down.]

Comments

C

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

[Oh hey, it's that girl who knows Susan, and won't stop asking questions in class.]

Time isn't the only thing that flies without wings.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[OH BOY.]

Such as...?

C

[brbgoing2russia.livejournal.com]

I was going to say Superman.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Cute. But painfully incorrect, as usual.

B

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Suddenly, a voice from behind.]

Get something new?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Oh hi Slugger. Jamming that box lid closed.]

Nothing you need to concern yourself with.

C

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's a real treat, isn't it?

No clue. I've been droned myself since a little bit after the last round of bullcrap.

...They're being less physically and openly aggressive. They're trying to get us to question ourselves, first by rewriting our histories then by having us say our secrets out loud. They're playing mind games.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[So it was Mayfield that had been forcing everyone to spout out their secrets aloud? He jots that down as a mental note.]

My condolences, Pokey. It sounds like it's only going to get worse from here. But above all else, we can't afford to keep questioning ourselves. We know who we are.

B

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

What are you doing with those peas? And how did you get out of the closet?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

What can I say? I'm a masterful escape artist. [Even when droned, it appears.] To answer your first question...

[He'll lower the bag a tad, showing off that nasty shiner of his.]

C

[sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com]

I don't see why it should matter.

We have all the time in the world, my friend.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

...so confident of that, are you?

E

[buildstherobots.livejournal.com]

...You have a whip now?

[Dist the Rose does not knock.]

Your face looks terrible.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

As does yours.

[i know you are but what am i?}

Nice to see you've already begun to make yourself at home.

E

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[After skittering across the floor, one of the cans rolls to a stop at the toe of a golden skate. Slugger continues to watch Edward knock out the rest of the cans, then gives the one at his feet a tap with the end of his bat and sends it rolling toward Edward.]

...

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[The can rolls back to Edward, knocking into the side of his foot. He reaches down and takes the can in hand before glancing back at Slugger.]

What?

B

[tapshoetomove.livejournal.com]

[Luke spots Edward and assumes he's still droned as usual, but something seems a bit off here.

He'll take a few steps back and watch from the doorway.]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Not noticing Luke's presence in the doorway, Eddie will pull out the mask of Selina's costume. It's a thin, leather mask, same color as the suit. Whiskers just beneath the eyeholes, large cat-ears poking out on either side.]

E

[hungry-monster.livejournal.com]

[Your security needs work. Looking around.]

An interesting design.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[...isn't that always the way? Not even a secret underground fortress can keep Johan Liebert away? Cursing to himself, he makes a mental note to talk to Baron Wulfenbach about enhancing the lair's security.]

D the coolest number

[uranophobe.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't know, personally, but I'm sure it's not impossible. Even the most well-run post offices can mix up packages.

What is it?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

It's... one of Selina's catsuits. The one I---[nonononono REIN THAT COMPULSIVE HONESTY IN.] The one I remember her wearing in Italy all those years ago. You know the one?

C

[bread_goes_bip]

Eddie? It's good to hear you back to your usual self.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I would say it's good to be back, Didi, if it weren't for the fact that I'm still in Mayfield. [He frowns.] Nearly a year in this hellhole and still...

E

[have-your-lives.livejournal.com]

[Edward's first warning that he has an uninvited guest - with far more knowledge of his day's activities and regains than Edward is likely comfortable with - is Schuldig's familiar, grating laugh. As he often does, he's chosen a strategic spot at which to observe, comfortably out of reach of any immediate retaliation - although today he's given Edward a much wider berth than usual. A whip has a long reach.] So you're back, are you? You'd been gone so long I'd almost forgotten how much entertainment you provide.

[In a weird, twisted way, this might almost be taken to mean that Schuldig missed having Edward around, even if for purely sadistic reasons. Still, that's usually as close to a genuine sentiment as Schuldig gets on a good day.

Of course, given the circumstances of their last conversation, he might also be keeping to comfortably light and controversial topics on purpose. Distraction via aggravation is one of Schuldig's chief skills behind telepathy.]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[First Johan, now Schuldig? How did Schuldig even know about this place? And how to get through---

...wait. Right. Telepath. Don't be stupid, Edward.]

Nice of you to drop by. [His tone doesn't seem to reflect that at all.] What do you want?

C.

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

I don't know what's coming. I don't know if there's any way to know.

But we have to try to prepare for it, somehow.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Indeed, Ms. Liebert. Perhaps the best thing we can do is be prepared for anything.

B

[partysense.livejournal.com]

[bounces in, balancing a tray of cookies no her head] You know what else flies without wings? Fun!

[ok that pretty much makes no sense but she sets the tray down on the desk.] Here are the cookies I said I'd make you!! Are you still mad?

[she looks a little sheepish. after all, he'd been treating her like a dog while he was droned, right?]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Yeah that makes no sense at all, Pinkie. Those cookies smell good.]

Question: What kind are these?

[Note how he didn't answer your question, Pinkie.]

E

[greatestmanll40.livejournal.com]

[Lex is walking through the Legion Of Doom HQ, inspecting the quarters when he happens to find Eddie...

With the whip. Just going to stand there not quite sure what to think.]

...

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

...Luthor.

C

[notsaul.livejournal.com]

Um, everyone knows August doesn't have any holidays; they won't pull shit.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Interestingly enough, I arrived last August. That was the month they had first opened the Post Office, as I recall. Plenty of people had been running through the streets with missing appendages and limbs.

C

[lunawolves10th.livejournal.com]

I was going to say an Assault Marine with a jump pack but I see you were going for a more figurative answer. I suspect it will be something designed to play on our emotions, since the last major thing was psychological, and the one before that was primarily built aroudn engendering violence.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

It wouldn't surprise me at all. Towards the end of summer last year, the town saw fit to pair us off and lock us up in gaudy hotel rooms.

C

[redtogold.livejournal.com]

Uuuuu. [such a strange, strange answer in his opinion]

But some demons can fly, and they don't have wings.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Some humans as well. [If you could call the Man of Steel anything close to human, anyway.] I suppose there is more than one answer to this riddle.

C

[gotmorbucks]

Well, it's the end of summer... maybe a really dangerous heat wave?

[hello eddie, i am a kindergarten supervillain and this is what i would do]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Most Batman villains are total manchildren anyway, this one included.]

You honestly think they'd decide to make us suffer heatstroke and die of thirst?

C

[demonoaths.livejournal.com]

They're going to have to try harder if they want to top what they did before.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Don't sound so enthusiastic when you say that. They might take it as a challenge.

C Phone

[heartstar-blues.livejournal.com]

Me.

I'm guessing you're safe until Labor day, but I was gone last summer so who knows.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I first arrived here last August, you know. Within my first week, people were losing limbs and memories to the Post Office. That was about as warm a welcome as I would expect from this town.

D - late I'm so sorry pff

[poisonivyforyou.livejournal.com]

As far as I know, yes. What did you regain, Nigma?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

One of Selina's old uniforms. And one of her whips. Lord knows why.

C.

[iheartcabbage.livejournal.com]

Considering how much they love their communist propaganda, I wouldn't be surprised if they faked an air raid complete with a nuclear bomb. I'm sure they'd be amused to watch us flail around with hideous mutations.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

"Duck and cover," hmm? In any case, I wouldn't put it past them. [Good thing he's already got a shelter built underneath his house.]

Phone

[shoulda-toined.livejournal.com]

(If Eddie watched cartoons, this voice will be very familiar.)

A banana? No, wait, I tink dat's da wrong punchline...

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Wouldn't be DC without some shameless WB plugging.]

...you sound familiar.