questionauthority | Riddle 014: Christmas Angst [Voice/Action]

[Edward comes downstairs on Christmas Morning, wading through the sea of cats that had seemingly filled up the house. Coming across a bunch of presents beneath the tree in green wrapping paper, he smirks. He takes a look at the note, tossing it backwards and tearing into his presents like a little kid. He pulls out his cane. A new revolver. A Rubiks' Cube. And... Batman's utility belt? And a working ~~bat~~ credit-card with the name "Bruce Wayne" on it. He chuckles, sliding it into his pocket and pulling the belt on. But as soon as he snaps the belt around his waist, he feels... strange. Different. He remembers...

Bang! His father keeling over in the alleyway. His mother screams.

BANG! His mother tumbling down, pearls flying everywhere. Rain falling down. Masking Edward's tears on that fateful night.

He looks at the gun beneath the tree once again and his eyes widen in fear. This is the kind of weapon that took his parents away from him... With a sudden, vehement motion, he hurtles it out the window into the snow. He then stands straight. Resolute. A stern look on his face. Eddie knows what must be done. He strides back upstairs. Puts on his best green suit. Black sunglasses he's picked up in town. His trademark bowler hat. He marches back downstairs and out the door, examining his new Riddler-Mobile in the driveway. It's elaborate. Tricked out. It'll get the job done. He climbs in, fastens his seatbelt, and tears off down Anderson Lane.

He takes note that there is a phone installed within the car's console, and he picks it up, speaking with a much gruffer, throatier voice than usual.]

Enjoying your Christmas, Mayfield? Some of us aren't. Some of us have had innocent people taken away. Forever. By whom, you might ask? Nothing more than a common criminal. A miserable, unrelenting, unforgiving coward with a gun, who thinks he has something to prove. Who thinks he can strike fear into the hearts of innocents. Well. Now it's my turn. To all you criminal scum of Mayfield. Your days are numbered. And to those hardworking innocents, trapped and frightened? Your new guardian has arrived.

[He is vengeance. He is the night. He is Edward Nigma, the Goddamn Riddler. He'll be patrolling around the town in his new Riddler-Mobile, and will be looking, just looking for people to punish. You can also speak to him via the carphone.]

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[Hearing someone enter the front door, Slugger sneaks through the house to see who's there and finds Edward pondering dubiously over the socks.]

For you.

[A grin. Eddie's old socks were thrown into the fireplace days ago in order to replace them with new ones. This is how Slugger does gifts.

Anyway. Care to talk about your day, Daddy?]

[He's definitely a bit stunned by this. Slugger? Being nice? Merry Christmas to him indeed. At least his day's starting to look a bit better already... If that's even possible.]

Thank you, Slugger.

[He sighs, making his way gingerly to the couch and having himself a nice, well-deserved sit-down. Please don't ask me how my day was please don't ask me how my day was please please please.]

[His gaze follows Eddie to the couch and Slugger comes to lean on the back of a chair opposite it.

He can tell by the sigh how put-upon Eddie must be feeling right now. Perhaps, just this once, he'll spare you the trouble of--]

So what happened?

[Never mind. Too curious.]

[Damn it, Slugger. He looks up at the inquisitive kid, trying to will himself to lie. Just lie to him. Tell him nothing happened, tell him---]

I may have run into some trouble today.

[God. DAMMIT.]

[Fool. His eyes are all agleam with malignant curiosity now.]

How bad?

A madman. With a gun.

How did you escape?

...I had to defend myself, of course.

[A moment of thoughtful silence. Eddie doesn't look particularly roughed up and there is one thing that wasn't exactly clarified...]

He had the gun? Or did you?

...he had it. But I took it.

[You can probably guess the rest, Slugger.]

[He can. Best bedtime story ever, btw.]

Who was it? Did he die?

A stranger. A young man with blonde hair and blue eyes. It looked like he'd gone out of his mind. He was just shooting drones casually, killing them. And---I intervened. I had to intervene.

...I shot him between the eyes. There's no way he could have survived that.

You don't approve of killing drones?

[Should he tell you what he's been up to?]

At the time, I didn't approve of anyone being killed. I was under a bit of a haze at that moment.

A haze... [Okay, now you're reminding Slugger of a time when he was under a mind-altering haze. It had turned him into an entirely different person.]

Did you think you were someone else?

As a matter of fact, I did. I'd... I'd acted like Batman, of all people.

[He hasn't gotten into comic books, unfortunately, but that name... That name reminds him of someone.]

Batman?

You remember that one time I told you about the people from back home? And I mentioned that detective... the one who's always a thorn in my side?

[A nod. He certainly does remember...]

Batman is that detective.

[Now let him get this straight.]

...

He wears a cape?

And a cowl.

[Soured, he looks away and rests his chin atop his hands.]

That type.

[Now you've piqued his interest.]

...don't tell me there's a delusional vigilante just like that where you're from?

In Tokyo, he's called Radar Man.

Former detective, wears a cape and red goggles, perches on rooftops, questionable sanity.

[He can't help but smile to himself at that last part.]

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