Riddle 013: Spreading That Christmas Cheer [Action]

[questionauthority]

[Christmas Time is coming! Today, you'll probably find Edward in one of three locations.

A. At the Christmas Village, dressed in his little "Helper Elf" costume and freezing furiously. He does not look at all happy to be there.

B. Wandering through the town, dressed in a warm, green pea-coat, a jade scarf wrapped around his neck, just admiring the winter scenery.

C. Back at home, meticulously setting something up on the dining room table. Once he's finished, he'll call upstairs.]

Slugger? Susan? I'd like it if you could come to the dining room, please. ...Susan, you're free to call upon your Grandfather, too, if you like.

Comments

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[He draws from the bag once more, glances down at the letter, then at Eddie.]

It's a Q.

[likescats.livejournal.com]

I THOUGHT WE WERE SPEAKING MORPORKIAN.

[Also known as English.]

I HAVE AN N

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Mor...por---No. At least, I wasn't---

[He groans.]

Look, I'm going to pick a letter, then I'm going off to find a dictionary. If any of these... Morporkian words don't show up in this dictionary, they won't count.

[And reaching in to pick a letter.]

J. Well, it appears I'll be starting, then Death, then Slugger. And then we continue at the top from there. But first I think I'll go search for a dictionary.

[And leaving the table. Feel free to talk smack about him behind his back.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Turns to Death with a semi-sour expression.

My "father" is fucking weird.

He might also be peeking into the bag of letters and possibly taking a few...]

[likescats.livejournal.com]

[Looking at a tile]

....WHY DO ONLY ENGLISH WORDS COUNT.

[Glances over at Slugger]

HE DOES SEEM RATHER ODD.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[still rummaging in the other room]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

Because it's Mayfield. Everything is American English.

[Or that's his guess, anyway. Slugger nods in agreement with the second statement.]

Truth.

[He's idly arranging some letters on the board. When Edward returns it'll spell O SHIT in a vertical line.]

[likescats.livejournal.com]

HOW OPPRESSIVE.

[Death figures he might as well go next. The S will have a CYTHE next to it.]

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

Spell properly, Slugger.

[Having appeared from behind, Susan places an H next to the O and shifts the slates to leave a blank in between.]

What are you doing?

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Slugger grins at the correction.]

Waiting for Edward.

[He'll add an L and an F to Death's E. Edward will know the significance.]

[likescats.livejournal.com]

APPARENTLY THIS IS A GAME OF SOME SORT.

I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE IT. IT'S ABOUT SPELLING.

okay, here it goes

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[And wouldn't you know it, here comes Edward, a dictionary in hand.]

Well, it's a dictionary from 1950, so it's probably not up to date, though I suppose it'll have to---

[He sees the scene before him.]

...oh, what is this. I told you both to wait for me before you---

[He sees the words. He mad.]

...Slugger.

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Poker face.]

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

A spelling game.

[And that's as far as she gets before Edward returns.]

Then I believe you misspelled 'disgrace against humanity', Slugger.

[likescats.livejournal.com]

[Looks over at Edward.]

I THOUGHT WE COULD ONLY USE SEVEN LETTERS OR LESS.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

...is this some kind of a joke to you all?

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Slugger actually turns to look up at Eddie in a nonverbal implication of What does logic tell you, genius?]

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

[Susan places a hand on Slugger's shoulder. This is equivalent to, "Don't say anything stupid now."]

I can't say I know what this is supposed to be at all.

[likescats.livejournal.com]

I THINK IT'S A GAME.

I WASN'T AWARE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE WITH JOKES THOUGH.

[Totally serious. Okay mostly serious. He does know more then he lets on.]

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He looks almost desperately at all of them, but Slugger's face says it all.]

Just forget it. It was a stupid idea anyway. I'm fed up with trying to---

[He tosses the dictionary haphazardly onto the game board, sending tiles flying everywhere.]

...Merry Christmas.

[And with that, he storms out.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

...

[Edward is getting a decapitated hog's head for Christmas.

Slugger says nothing as the tiles scatter but the burst of negativity is titillating like an electric charge in the air. He really doesn't get what the big deal is but he hopes surmises that it could have something to do with frayed nerves.

He simply looks up at Susan because she obviously has an explanation for every little thing.]

[likescats.livejournal.com]

[He'll glance over at Susan as well.

Susan. Explain the human...]

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

[Oh, bother. Why hadn't she just stayed upstairs? Susan rolls her eyes briefly to the ceiling before calmly beginning to collect the scattered tiles on the table. Though she pretends not to notice the staring, she speaks up after a few moments nonetheless.]

Well. It's a bit stupid of him to expect much from this 'family'.

[ . . . Pause.]

You can't ask Death and whatever you're supposed to be to sit down and play spelling games. I wouldn't even do it without a bribe.

[Another pause.]

Don't look so baffled.

He wants to be the quintessential family man, but he isn't going about it the right way, that's all. You understand, Grandfather -- His mind can't deal with non-humans, so he projects his own thought processes and imagines we'll behave exactly like he would. I'm sure it went along the lines of, "I loved this game when I was Slugger's age. If we play together, everything will be sunshines and rainbows and we'll come together as a 'family'. At the very least, dead things will stop appearing on my pillow."

And not even touching on his own psychological issues and his frustration from earlier today, I expect he thinks of himself as the odd one out -- Or rather, he's the only normal one and the rest of us are all quite mad, and it's up to him to bring us all into line. So he's off being mopey about how no one appreciates him.

Apologize to him later, Slugger. It was a nice thought.

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

...

[Susan? You're a goddess. What would they ever do without you? The pieces are all starting to fasten together now and make a little more sense.

Unfortunately, Slugger has no idea what to do about it nor does he really care to do anything. Humans will be humans, after all, with their silly expectations and ridiculous thought processes. It isn't like he cares what they--

...

Apologize? Slugger breathes a quiet sigh.]


Alright.


[He might as well experiment.]

[likescats.livejournal.com]

[They would cause chaos. Though in Death's cause not on purpose.

He nods as Susan explains this all.]

I SEE.