Riddle 005: What is Love? (Joker Will Hurt Me)

[questionauthority]

[Edward Nigma awoke one night and quickly realized that something was amiss. Being in Mayfield, he would have been accustomed to waking up in a strange place with strange clothes that did not belong to him. But waking up in a gaudy hotel room with the girlfriend of one of the most feared psychopaths in Gotham lying next to you? Yeah, this definitely wasn't right.

Trying, but failing, to keep his composure, he tossed the bouquet of roses that he had been holding aside and nudged Harley's arm to rouse her awake. Gently first. Then a bit urgently.]

Harley. Harley!

Comments

1/2

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[She bolts suddenly up at that.]

What! What! Where's the fire!

2/2

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[And then as the panic of being woken up wears down. She looks around at the room.]

Huh? This isn't-

....

Eddie?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I'm as confused as you! What are we doing here? And why are we---?

[He gesticulates to his tuxedo, accidentally whacking his clip-on bowtie off. His eyes follow it down, then survey the surroundings.]

...I'm not sure I like this place.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[Is looking around and then attempts to jump up and run to check the door. She fails because of the tight dress and just lands on the floor.]

....ow...

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Edward slides off the bed and moves to the door himself, in his haste, not really stopping to check if she's okay. He jiggles the handle a little bit. Locked.]

Oh no.

[He checks the door with his shoulder but it doesn't budge.]

Damn it! It won't open!

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[Just gets to her feet]

stupid dress

...wait. What?

[Glances over]

....you have GOT to be kidding me. Not again!

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He checks the door again, jiggling the handle desperately.]

Come on, come on!

[He slams his shoulder against it, definitely a bit too hard. He lets out a gasp of pain and slides down to the bottom of the door, clutching his shoulder.]

It won't budge.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

It's not going to work.

[She managed to sit back on the bed again]

They did the same thing to us last year.

[Pause]

Okay well not exactly the same. Last time they just locked us in a normal room with someone.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He seethes a little bit, pushing himself back up to his feet.]

So what are we supposed to do?! Just wait this out?

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Yup.

...that's what we did last time anyway.

Hey look, food!

[Manages to stand up again and moves slowly over to look at the door instead of the food she just mentioned]

At least you don't have to wear this stupid outfit.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Eddie glances over at the food, eyes narrowed.]

I wouldn't trust it.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[Still looking at the lock and then gives it a few tugs herself just to make sure.]

What?

Oh yeah. Probably poisoned or somethin' like that.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Nonetheless, this doesn't stop Eddie from walking towards the table. The food does smell all right, but he still doesn't---]

Hmm?

[Something's caught his attention. He brushes past the table and finds a massive minibar, fully stocked.]

Oh, you've got to be kidding. Harley, look at this!

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

What?

[Carefully makes her way over, now having a better sense of the dress]

A mini bar?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Looks that way. It seems they've really gone the extra mile for this place.

[He takes a bottle of red wine, scrutinizing it.]

You don't suppose they'd have poisoned this? ...a drink would certainly make the time go by faster, if we're to wait for God knows how long for the door to open.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Usually they just poison the milk. So maybe?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He fumbles around in the minibar and finds himself a corkscrew. He opens up the bottle of wine and sniffs it.]

Seems to smell fine.

[He glances to the counter and finds two empty wine glasses. He looks back at Harley.]

...dare I?

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[She shrugs]

I'll try some. I've already died once here, it isn't that bad.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He moves to the counter, pouring out the drinks, but it isn't until after he's poured them both that her words sink in.]

...wait, you've died here?!

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Yeah. They made us all really sick and then gave out some vaccines. Only some didn't work right and did things to you.

I think mine was LSD or somethin' like that. Anyway, I was still sick and after a while I died.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He wrinkles his nose, a bit disturbed.]

That sounds... dreadful. I'm sorry, Harley.

[He hands her a glass of wine, swirling around the wine in his own glass afterward.]

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[Takes the wine]

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

I'm just surprised I haven't died since then. This place is nuts sometimes.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He nods, not entirely sure what to say. Finally, he raises his glass to her, in an attempt to lighten the mood.]

To staying alive?

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[She grins, mood switch!]

To staying alive!

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He grins, amused, and clinks glasses with her, taking a sip of the wine. He smacks his lips, waiting a few seconds to see if there's any adverse effects.]

Seems fine to me.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[Which is good because she just drank half of hers.]

Yup. Doesn't seem too bad.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He takes more of a hearty swig, now that he's comfortable with the drink.]

You said this happened last year? Who were you stuck with then?

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Um some Blue Engineer guy. He got turned into a drone a long time ago too.

Actually that was the first "weird" thing I went through here.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I'd say being stuck in a room like this is far weirder than being stuck in an ordinary room.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah.

Course I didn't know him and almost attacked him with a lamp but he was nice about it.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

At least this time, you're stuck with someone you know.

I doubt I'd be so enthused if I'd gotten stuck here with a stranger. ...not to say I'm enthused to be here, of course, but just that at least knowing you makes the situation more... bearable.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Same here! It'd just be creepy if I didn't know the person.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Don't get me wrong, the situation still is creepy. They brought us to this place in our sleep? Dressed us like that? You don't need to be the World's Greatest Detective to figure out what they had on their minds.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

What?

-

[Blink, blink]

....Oh. Uh jeeze, the people who run this place are perverts!

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

[He's finished up with his first glass and pours himself another.]

They haven't attempted anything else this perverted, have they?

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Well there was that weird candy around valentines day that made everyone act weird...but I don't think it was this perverted.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

...I wonder just how many of the others in town are going through this right now. Hopefully, they didn't see fit to fling Pamela in here.

[For both Pamela's sake, and the sake of the man stuck with her.]

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

.....

[Just this look]

...What if they stuck her with Mr. J?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He lets out a bark of laughter.]

Wouldn't that be something?

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[Is still horrified. Who is she supposed to hope for?]
.

-they wouldn't be that stupid....

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

The chances of them ending up together would be pretty slim, I'd say. But even if they did end up in the same room, I'm sure they'd be fine. Pam's always been able to take care of herself and Joker... Well, he's escaped death before.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

....Right.

[Just going to take another drink]

Yeah, they probably stuck everyone in places like this. Just like last year.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I'd imagine they've taken the children elsewhere. This is hardly the right kind of environment for them.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

They'd better have.

Maybe they got stuck in a daycare again.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Edward nods, taking another sip of wine. He chuckles.]

It's almost funny. When I'd heard the call about this place the other day, I almost immediately knew it would be a trap. And I had no intention of coming here. But a part of me almost wanted to end up here. Just to see one of these strange happenings from the inside out.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Eh, I'm just glad there aren't any people in grey suits tryin' ta' kill us here.