Riddle 001: Where am I?

[questionauthority]

[Edward groans blearily and rubs his eyes, having fallen asleep in a squashy armchair in the corner of his new bedroom. He looks around, briefly. His eyes slowly go wide as he's bombarded with thoughts. This isn't my office. He looks down at himself. These aren't my clothes. He glances up at his desk, which feature pictures of a group of young children, a young woman, and... himself?! That can't be me. He pushes himself up, heading over towards the window. One peek outside and his eyes go wider. This certainly isn't Gotham!

He darts out of his bedroom and starts searching the house for a computer, a phone, an exit, something. He moves quickly, unsure if he's been abducted by anyone. Finally, he comes across an old rotary phone. Compulsively, he reaches for the phone, dials a number, and speaks into it with an urgent, hushed whisper.]

Gotham City Police Department? This is Edward Nigma, get Commissioner Gordon on the line! This is incredibly urgent.

Comments

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

I don't believe you'd specifically told me why, but I know that you, Selina, and Pam have been trying to do better for some time now. ...trying being the key word.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

....Me and Red are hanging out with Selina?

[Blink]

....what about Mr. J?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

After you and Pamela took advantage of my hospitality and destroyed my apartment, yes, you did move in with Selina.

[Bitter? No. ...well, maybe a little. As for the Joker.]

He... hasn't been around for some time. Not even Bats knows where he is.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

.....oh.

[This is just....a lot to take in. Also totally ignoring that first bit.]

....the futures weird.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[He massages the bridge of his nose and sighs.]

You can say that again.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Yeah...

Well anyway, welcome to Mayfield. You're trapped with the rest of us here!

This place is pretty nuts too. Has anyone told you about it yet?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

My quote-unquote "wife" told me a good deal already. Getting back to Gotham won't be easy.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it.

So your wifes normal? That's good. What's her name?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Alice. She's a karate instructor from New York.

I'm assuming you have a husband here?

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Yeah. He's a nice guy. His names Jolt. Apparently he used to be a giant Robot before comi...

Did you say Alice? Long brown hair...Alice?

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

A giant robot!?

Yes. That sounds like her.

1/2

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Stuff like that happens all the time. Like I said. People get taken from everywhere. I had the best kid here...he was a robot and a thief.

[She sighs]

I was goning ta' bring him back to Gotham with me. But then get got droned...I really miss him. He was a good kid.

2/2

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[Blinks wait, Alice, she was annoyed about that]

Oh yea. Alice. Don't let her find out you were in Arkham. I accidently let it slip I'd been in one and she just assumed I was a homicidal psychopath.
Vince say's she's really nice but I don't know.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Edward groans. He could see Harley doing that.]

Next time, you probably shouldn't blurt out that you've been in an asylum.

[Says the compulsively honest Riddler.]

But yes, point taken.

Regarding the children here, I've only heard a small bit about the ones in our house. Evidently one of them claims to be a bug, another is a robot, and the third is a forest spirit. I've only met one of them so far, though.

You mentioned a Vince earlier as well, I think...

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

[It's happened more then once..]

I didn't! I just said that after this place I'd be happy to be stuck back in Arkham! I didn't think she heard me...and she kinda worked it out of me what...it was...

Oh really? We've still got drones in our house. They're really creepy.

Oh yeah. Vince is a friend of mine. He let me hide out in his house when the town turned Communist and was hacking people up for not getting their jobs done.

Oh! That reminds me. You're smart. Do you know how to "Re-Reproduce" a beet? Because that was my job there and I still don't know what it was.

1/2

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

"Re-reproduce" a beet? ...I'm not sure I understand what you're---

2/2

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

Hold on one second. The town turned Communist and slaughtered people?!

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Yeah? Oh it does stuff like that alot. Some people got shot and some people got parts taken away.

One time they made us all really sick. I died that time. Another time they locked us all in this other town where people were trying to kill us all the time and there was this weird gas everywhere. I still can't believe I survived that...

...somethin' really, really strange happens about once a month here really.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

...I see. I suppose I understand what Alice was talking about when she said that strange things happen here.

[crazyclownwoman.livejournal.com]

Yup. This place is "fun" like that.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[A low sigh.]

Still, there has to be a way out. I'm sure of it.